Me [30F] with my husband [30M] of 3 months, won’t move to a more central location for my new job. via /r/relationships

Been with SO for about 5 years. Married for 3 months.

Ok, I'm going to give you a prologue so there's some context to our current situation, so bear with me.

We were in a LDR for around 2 years. I finally got a job offer in our current city (We both grew up here), and we moved in together shortly afterward. SO would not consider moving to my prior location because he didn't have any family or friends or many job prospects. I wasn't really happy there because I didn't know anyone, but I think spending my free time with SO on weekends may have contributed to that. Either way, I didn't have a problem moving back to current city.

I'm a professional and my job is very tough. It's 50-60/hrs a week, depending on what I'm dealing with. SO has an 8 hr schedule, which includes a 45 minute lunch and 30 minutes of breaks. So he's only working about 6 hours and 45 minutes a day. Then he's off the clock. His job is skilled labor, so I understand that his job isn't easy, but he has a lot more free time than me.

The first 2 years we lived together, we rented a townhome in a very central location. We both had a 20-25 minute commute. We weren't thrilled about "townhome living" but the location was a huge plus.

My husband then inherited a home on the rural outskirts of our city and some cash. SO grew up in the rural town. He was set on renovating the house and moving in. I had strong reservations against doing this because of the location. My prior job was 45 min – hr away from the house. I finally agreed to go forward with his plan and we'd reevaluate after living there awhile.

Fastforward – We moved in back in February. Like the house and rural location. Commute has been sucko. I just got a new job on the opposite end of town, so now my commute is even longer – a minimum of 50 min, but usually an hour. I had to make this career change for a number of reasons – significant pay bump, better benefits, better work environment. My last job was so stressful that I quit, but my boss talked me out of it by making promises that weren't fully honored.

I'm happy in the new job so far. I'd like to move to the central part of our city. Even if I changed jobs again (unlikely within the next several years), it is highly likely that a new job would be within 30 minutes of a neighborhood close to the central part of the city. SO's commute wouldn't really change. It might even be shorter. SO doesn't want to move and has emphatically stated that he really likes living where we are. I agreed to drop it for awhile, but recently brought it back up because the commute has been hard on me.

He has suggested that we table this topic for 8 to 9 months after we argued about it heatedly. After all the renovations he did to the house, he doesn't want to move again right now and I reluctantly agreed to drop it. I brought it up how the commute has been impacting me, and he reminded me that we had already discussed the issue.

Another issue is that SO promised he would pitch in more on housework and cooking since I have less free time. I'd say we do about an equal amount. That seems unfair to me, given my work schedule and commute. Example – SO cooked dinner on Wednesday. I came home yesterday at 8:30 p.m. and SO expects me to cook dinner for us because he cut the grass earlier and had made dinner the night before. I reminded him that he had agreed to do more housework, etc. and his response was that he had cut the lawn so I should cook. I finally had a chance to relax around 10…. I also do most of the grocery/household shopping.

I also contribute more financially, if that matters.

Reddit – I want to move now. This is important to my sanity. What do?

tl;dr: I work significantly longer hours than my S.O. and have a longer commute. Want to move to a more central location now, but S.O. has refused to consider doing so this year. I am unhappy with this. Should I accept SO's position as a compromise?